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Finding the Perfect Man/Woman

February 14, 2013

In honor of Valentine’s Day I decided that today I was going to write a post on how to find that perfect someone. I’m sure that many of you have heard before that if you keep looking you’ll eventually find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. And I’m sure that many of you, like I was, got real sick of it after a while. I don’t think that this is entirely true, but I don’t think it’s entirely wrong either. The way I see it is that you need to keep looking, but you can’t keep looking for your ideal fantasy. You all know what I’m talking about, that person you dream about finding who will so different from everyone else you’ve ever met. Mine was going to be a brunette, she was going to have glasses, be smart, funny, a bit of nerd. Moderately good looking, love music, food, and books. And to top it all off, she’d be a little kinky. But the reality is that this person we’ve imagined isn’t real. I’ve met many women who have some of these characteristics, but none who had them all exactly as I imagined them. And the truth is that it’s because I had this perfect woman in my head that I was miserable.

I’m not saying that it’s bad to know what you want, but to have it all planned out like I did was no good. Because when I was thinking about dating someone I wasn’t thinking about whether I’d like that woman, but whether she was everything I wanted in a woman. And the fact that I was never able to find a woman exactly like I wanted was making me miserable. Eventually a friend, we’ll call her M, helped me realize that I was never going to find this woman. She made me realize that the more I looked for this woman the more detailed my fantasy got and the less likely it became that I would ever find this person. This led me to realize that if I really wanted to be happy, what I needed to do was let go of the fantasy and just people who seemed interesting and attractive, and not necessarily someone I wanted a long-term relationship with.

Once I started doing this I was much happier. And to top it off, when I started going out with women that I’d previously written off because they weren’t my perfect woman I discovered things about them that made them much more amazing than I had thought. And I never would have had that opportunity if I had just kept hunting for someone who was my perfect woman in every way. So what I’m saying is that you need to get out there and just go for people who seem interesting. Maybe things will work out, and maybe they won’t. Maybe you’ll end up hating them and maybe you’ll end up being best friends. You can’t tell, but if you don’t get out there and just date people you’ll never know. It’s hard to let go of your ideal mate, but if you can’t learn to let go and just get yourself out there, you’ll never really be happy.

Well that’s all I’ve got today everyone. I hope you all have a happy Valentine’s Day! Come back on Saturday to find out how to get the date!

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From → The Search

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